I've Already Walked There

Wrote this a while ago.  Just now getting around to posting.  :D

I love my boys!  The oldest is only four but I feel pretty confident in parenting them.  A lot of prayer and sweating and knowing the fastest route to the E.R.  It puts me at ease knowing Danny is a wonderful role model.  I teach them and play and everyone is happy.  I realize one day they will be stinky teenagers.  They will tower over me and have secrets with their dad that I will never hear about (probably for my own sanity).  I love them and my life as a mother of boys!

So now, I sit here awaiting a baby girl.  "Finally you got a girl!"  "I bet you were waiting for this one!"  "Are you excited about finally having a girl?"  I've heard these a million times.  To all of them I smile and say, "Yes, we are really excited."  And in a way I am.  I will have someone who might want to do crafts for more than 2.5 seconds.  I'll get to paint little nails and adorn her with bows and frilly bloomers (which I recently found out come with every little girl dress - who knew?).  But deep down inside I was terrified!  Don't they know what could happen with a little girl?  She might turn out like me!  Says a lot about my self-esteem, I know.  But in all truth she might struggle with the same things I struggled with.  She might fall into believing the same lies I believed.  She might have crazy emotional battles.  She might . . . and then it hit me.  I've walked through all that.  I can help her along the way and make sure she makes it through.  

It was at that moment that God spoke to me loud and clear saying, "I'VE already walked there."  Wow.  Let me just step back a minute and breathe that in.  She might turn out like me, but she might go through her own struggles with which I am not familiar. I might not have all the answers to help her through.  God already knows every step she is going to take.  He knows what will rage in her heart.  He knows where she will shine and where she will fail.  And, since he appointed me as her mother, He will prepare me.  He will arm me with what I need for each day and, along the way, he might even use it to help me become more like him.  

What a peace I now feel.  To be reminded of God's sovereignty.  How nothing walks into my life without walking past Him first.